An honest account of a usually resilient person, punched in the face by hormones throwing a leaving party. (a.k.a peri-menopause)

The last few months kicked me in the arse. After I finished my course at Oxford Uni, we went straight into a massive renovation, living in two rooms with the five of us, the business growing, and Otis starting school. Call me cray cray.

But what I didn’t quite realise was that my early forties were also going to bring the gift of peri-menopause.

I thought I was just losing the plot -  maybe stress, maybe just too much going on. In reality, it had probably been building for a couple of years.

First of all, I had to do an emergency jeans run to M&S (highly rate their barrels, btw) when one day ALL my jeans just didn’t fit. WTF. 

Then came the intense forgetfulness. I struggled at work, not being able to retrieve information I knew was somewhere in my head. It was embarrassing. How can people rely on me if I can’t remember anything? Cue a very unwelcome dose of anxiety.

The tiredness was next-level. I’d wake up feeling exhausted, despite eating well, exercising, doing all the “right” things.

Mood swings - my god - I felt like i was a teenager again. Just up and down, fully aware I was acting like an arse, but nonetheless - who needs to breathe so damn loud anyway?

And the headaches. Every. Single. Day.

But the worst part,  the thing that broke me, was the sleep. I’ve always been a good sleeper, and suddenly I was waking up for hours at a time. Half a human.

Life became pretty challenging - trying to show up as a confident leader at work, all whilst feeling like a blubbery mess inside. Trying to be a good parent, whilst my brain was just saying - run away, leave it all behind. 

When the hot flashes hit, that’s when I finally realised this wasn’t “being busy”. This was hormones having a leaving party.

I had a blood test with the GP and an appointment booked for a few weeks’ time — but one morning I hit my limit. I rang the surgery, practically in tears, and begged to see someone sooner. By some miracle, there was a cancellation that day. Late on a Friday afternoon, I met an absolute angel of a doctor. She listened and she heard. And she suggested starting HRT today. TODAY!

Off I went to collect my patches and slapped one on immediately, in the car.

I’m now about eight weeks in, and I cannot tell you what a different human I am.

I’m me again.

For someone who’s always preferred natural alternatives and has been hesitant about medication, this was a big step. But honestly? I’m not sure what state I’d be in without it. I picture a small pile of a human in the corner.

I wanted to share this - because I know I am not alone. So many of my friends are either experiencing the first symptoms, some are deep into the HRT journey. For me, the hormone replacements are right, right now. But the most important thing is to have people to share the journey with. 

Thanks for listening - this is not meant as a sob story - I am a super resilient human with a wonderful partner and family, an incredible group of friends and a great team. I am so damn lucky and grateful that modern meds are going to let me carry on being myself a lot longer! 

Some resources I recommend: 
• Maisie Hill has great resources on this all. 
• I found this podcast episode very helpful